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I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
I will literally spend $20 on food but won’t buy a $20 shirt.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.