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There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"