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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
Nothing says you are ugly like Facebook asking ``Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture?``
I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
The cashier at this self checkout is horrible.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.