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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.