Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
You say I’m not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I’m not cold, I’m hot. I know I’m hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
The problem with alcohol is that... it wears off.
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Whenever I see a celebrity photobomb, I`m like, that`s so relatable. I too constantly ruin moments and think I`m more fun than I actually am
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!