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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.