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The best part about being at work on Friday is that it gives me 9 hours to figure out what I`m going to drink tonight.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
When I was growing up, I was taught to walk and talk and when I was grown, I was told to sit down and STFU!!!
I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.