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That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
My number was 0...