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If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
My internet goes out more than I do.
lol I rotfl
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”