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I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
Some people should come with subtitles.