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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.