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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
My wife told me I have to quit playing poker all the time but I think she`s bluffing...
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/