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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Movies are so unrealistic. This guy`s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
If you have time to update your status as "very busy", then you obviously exaggerated.