Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
My mother might be right.. I was the reason someone invented birth control.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.