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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
If there were "Box Tops for Education" on cases of beer, my kid`s school would be rich.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
I`ve decided!! I’m giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Is it just me, or would those movies had been far scarier if they were titled "Monday the 13th"