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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.