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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said “too ugly to prostitute”
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
Nice try, self-checkout lane. There`s not even any mirrors.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!