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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I always see more people walking into Sam`s Club than out of Sam`s Club, but the meat`s cheap, so I don`t ask questions.
You know what the cheapest meat is? Deer balls ... They`re under a buck
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
You can`t be late until you show up
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.