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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
You know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved about your spouse when first dating? Well, after 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.