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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
I saw that! - Karma
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.