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Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
My 2017 resolution is to stop thinking so much about the future.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.