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The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?