Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”