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When a guy texts a girl “hey stranger”, what he really means is “I’ve recently thought about trying to get in your pants again.”
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I don`t know if I have a stalker, but if I do could you drop off some beer? Thanks
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.