Daily Silly Status

I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.

I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.

A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!

Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.

I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse

I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.

I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.

Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.

Condoms prevent minivans.

“Dad, I’m hungry.” “Hi, Hungry. I’m Dad.” - Every time.

Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.

Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!

Trying to get in shape for all those people I`m not having sex with.

I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol

I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.