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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...