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I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
Home is where the pants aren`t.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
Iām taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.