Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
If you don`t like me now, you won`t like me later because I just get worse.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
Don’t get me wrong, you are hot as hell, I am just too lazy to stalk right now.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.