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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?