Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?