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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, & no, I’m not sorry about your table.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.