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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing