Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.