Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
Some people want to get in shape before they go to a gym. Which is the equivalent of losing weight so you can go on a diet
A slug is just a divorced snail.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!