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People who live in glass houses must have to clean up a lot of dead birds.
I carry a knife, but it’s just in case of cake.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
My favorite beer is an open one.
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
Put your gossiping skills to the test, go write a novel...
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds