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Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.