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99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
Alcohol is never the answer. Unless someone asked me, "What are you doing this weekend?"
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.