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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
Don`t you wish common sense would make a big comeback.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats