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Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.