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I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
I love how stars are billions of miles apart and we`re like "that`s a soup ladle".
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
It really freaks me out that I have a skeleton living inside me......
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.