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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?