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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick…My girlfriend.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
On Fridays, I always dress for what the weather is going to be at 3am when I drunkenly lock myself out of my apartment.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
I’m tired of chasing my dreams, I`m just going to ask them where their going and meet them there later.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.