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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.