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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing