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The naughty me makes the nice me giggle.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.