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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."