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I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.