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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
You know what I just realized that in school they teach you not to do what you don`t want to do yet they still give us homework and we get in trouble because we didn`t want to do it ( confused )