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You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.