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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.