Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.