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Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.