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I love running my fingers through my girlfriend`s hair. It`s also a great way to let her know we`re out of napkins.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
You see a mouse trap, I see free cheese and a challenge. ;)
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point