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ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
Just took an inventory of my body and it appears to be overstocked in all the wrong places.
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
´s status message is better than yours
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll