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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you