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Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
You know you`re old when you think "pokemon" is a gay rastafarian
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.