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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome