Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.